Tall Dark Defender Read online

  “Don’t you dare apologize.” His voice trembled, and she’d have sworn he had tears in his eyes. He stretched his hand toward hers, then gently wrapped his hand around her aching fingers. “Gimme…”

  He placed an ice pack on her knuckles, and she winced when she saw the raw scrapes. She felt equally chafed and bleeding inside. Shaken.

  Her legs buckled, and she no longer had the strength to stay on her feet. With a weary sigh, she crumpled to her knees. Her shoulders sagged, and she stared at the reddened knuckles in disbelief. The hot well of tears, nudged by shame and frustration, tainted with the bitterness of her marriage to Walt, flowed down her cheeks as she quietly sobbed. She’d gotten good in days past at crying without making any noise. So her children didn’t hear her. So Walt wouldn’t know, wouldn’t make an issue of it.

  Jonah sank down on the mats beside her. When he tugged her closer, she didn’t have the energy, the willpower to refuse.

  Besides, collapsing against the solid strength of his chest, resting in the embrace of his arms held great appeal. He scooted awkwardly closer, the protective Joe suit impeding him somewhat.

  Laying her head against his chest, she listened to the drumming of his heart, steady and soothing. Her fingers curled into his damp T-shirt, while his hands rubbed her back the way she calmed Haley after a bad dream.

  Annie closed her eyes, inhaling the musky, masculine scent of his overheated skin, tinged with sandalwood and spice. His fingers combed through her hair and stroked her cheek. Every gentle touch and comforting caress lulled her deeper into a time and place where only the two of them existed.

  Her tears slowed as she slowly gained her composure. But as the adrenaline and tension that had fueled her tantrum waned, she found a different source for the rapid beating of her heart, the heady swirl of desire that hummed inside her.

  After losing herself to her emotions, scaring herself with how easily she’d lost control, Jonah’s embrace was a safe haven. Had she really found this gentle man intimidating before?

  His fingers worked their magic, massaging the tension and tightness from her neck muscles, and she relaxed against him. Wrapping her arms around his chest, she clung to his solid strength like a life raft in a turbulent sea.

  The last thing she wanted was to fall back into a position of need, dependency and defeatism that had trapped her in her unhappy marriage. Yet in Jonah’s arms, though she leaned on him now for physical and emotional support, she didn’t feel needy or weak. Jonah gave her peace of mind, encouragement, the affection of friendship.

  Or was it more than friendship with Jonah?

  She pushed aside the ugly dregs of her flashbacks of Walt’s abuse, of Hardin’s murder, of the attempt on her life, and she concentrated on more pleasant memories. The soft kiss Jonah had surprised her with the day Hardin had been killed. The warmth in his eyes when he’d met her children. The sweet quiver of expectation that rippled through her when he’d lock his penetrating green eyes on her. His gaze said he could see straight through her, knew her darkest secrets and blackest fears…but accepted all her flaws without reservation.

  “Better?” he murmured.

  She nodded. Much. Thanks to you.

  He shifted slightly, and she realized how long she’d subjected him to a rather awkward position, huddled on the dusty floor mats.

  Though her anguish had faded, she wasn’t ready to leave the comfort and sweet refuge of Jonah’s arms, his warm touch.

  Unwise though it might be to get involved with another man when her life was in such disarray, she wanted to cherish these few moments alone with him. She wanted to block out the reality of cars trying to mow her down. She needed to forget for a moment the vortex sucking her into the shadow of illegal activity at the diner, and the specter of finding her boss murdered.

  “Annie,” Jonah said, breaking the still silence. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

  His voice cracked, and she tipped her chin back to meet his gaze. The sorrow and compassion she found staring back at her arrowed deep, warming her from the inside out.

  “The things you said—”

  “Were awful,” he interrupted, regret darkening his eyes. “Hurtful. I’m so sorry. I was just trying to get you mad enough to get past your fear and hesitation.”

  She lifted a corner of her mouth in a melancholy grin. “It worked.”

  “Too well. I shouldn’t have—”

  “I’m glad you did. Maybe this was what I needed. You said boxing, working out on the punching bags was cathartic for you.”

  “But we’re all different. Maybe you just needed to leave the baggage in the past and move on. Maybe I did more harm than good. Annie, I never want to hurt you or cause you more pain.”

  How could the words hurt and pain ever be associated with Jonah? She’d never met a man so kind and gentle, so understanding and generous. But his comment made her think, made her dig deep for her own understanding of what it would take for her to feel safe again. When would she feel her life was her own again?

  Haley and Ben sprang immediately to mind. Everything she did was for her children, their happiness, their future.

  “When I know my children are safe, when I can know they’re provided for and will grow up healthy and happy—” She peered up at Jonah. “That’s all I want.”

  A deep crease puckered his forehead. “And what about you? What about your happiness?”

  She lifted a shoulder in a tired shrug. “Maybe someday…”

  Jonah gripped her chin, and his fierce gaze drilled into hers. “Annie, listen to me. You deserve to be happy every bit as much as your children do. You deserve to seize happiness with both hands and hold on to it. It is your right.”

  The passion in his tone and intensity of his magnetic gaze burrowed deep inside her, shook her to her core. “I—I know.”

  “Do you?”

  The air in her lungs stilled. Could she really find the joy for life she’d had when she was younger? She wanted desperately to reclaim the hope and promise, the simple pleasure life offered.

  “Promise me you will go after whatever it is you truly want, whatever it is that will make you happy again, Annie.” Jonah stroked his fingers through her hair until his palm cradled the back of her head. “Promise me you will fight for your happiness.”

  Staring into his fathomless eyes, how could she refuse? A fist of bittersweet emotion squeezed her throat. “I promise.”

  Jonah dipped his head and touched his lips to hers. The warm caress of his lips spun a sweet pleasure through her blood, and she savored a taste of what that happiness might be. She leaned into the kiss, enticed by the tender persuasion of his mouth.

  Jonah angled his head and captured her lips more fully, yet his kiss remained infinitely patient, his touch light and careful.

  Annie raised a hand to his shoulder to steady herself and curled her fingers into his damp shirt. The tip of his tongue teased the seam of her mouth, and she opened to him. She was shocked to realize the breathy sigh that whispered through the quiet gym was hers. After a moment, she grew impatient with his caution, his restraint.

  Hadn’t he just made her promise to go after whatever made her happy? For a few precious moments, she wanted to lose herself in Jonah’s kiss, in the mind-numbing sensations he stirred and the gentle comfort of his caress. Drawing on the boldness he’d encouraged in her and the assurance that she was safe with this caring man, Annie slid her hand to Jonah’s nape and pulled him closer, drawing hard, more deeply on his lips.

  A satisfied moan rumbled from his chest, filling Annie with a heady sense of empowerment. She’d taken the initiative, and she had elicited that husky growl of pleasure from him.

  Though Jonah matched her intensity, he never pushed her past the limits she set. The quiver of restraint in his muscles told her he’d surrendered the pace to her. That evidence of his control gave her the confidence to sink against him and explore the hard ridges of his muscled back with
her fingers while her tongue darted into his mouth, testing, seeking more.

  Finally, Jonah laid her back on the floor, covering her with his wide body and pressing her into the mats with his weight, his heat. Annie’s heart thrashed against her chest like a trapped animal, her blood rushing past her ears with a deafening whoosh.

  He paused long enough to gauge her reaction, his eyes dark with desire, his breath lashing her cheeks with hot, ragged puffs. She answered his unspoken query by raising her mouth to his again and tunneling her fingers into his short, cropped hair.

  Jonah raked his palm along her thigh, under the skirt of her waitress uniform. His touch skimmed tantalizingly close to the spot where her body wept for his touch, but his fingers skittered away, raising a delicious shiver on her skin. He moved his hand up along her hip to the dent of her waist, then cupped her breast through the ugly fabric of her uniform. Even with the barrier between them, her nerve endings fired, and her nipple beaded, aching for his touch.

  She mewled her approval without breaking their kiss. Jonah had offered her a glimpse of the kind of passion and freedom she’d never had before, and she didn’t want to squander any part of it. The press of his body and the heat of his mouth on hers thrilled her, terrified her, tempted her.

  Somehow through the dizzying bliss, a tiny voice whispered to her.

  What was she doing? How could she give herself to Jonah and not lose her heart, not set herself up for heartache?

  Her head spun, and the thrum of pleasure shouted down the voice of caution and doubt in the back of her brain. Here with Jonah, no one was trying to kill her. She didn’t have to face her mountain of unpaid bills, and she could escape the memories of the man who’d started her life on this downward spiral.

  When Jonah moved his kiss to the fluttering pulse at her throat, Annie drew a shuddering breath.

  “Annie,” he murmured against her skin. His voice rasped with unspent desire. Jonah raised his head and gulped oxygen. “We have to stop. This is…the wrong time. Wrong place.”

  His words slashed through the lusty fog she’d lost herself in, and she blinked her surroundings into focus. A ripple of shock shot through her.

  Dear God, had she been ready to make love to Jonah in the middle of the police station gymnasium?

  Mortified by the total loss of her senses, she bolted upright. The sweet hum of passion fled, doused by the cold wash of reality.

  “Annie?” Jonah placed a soothing hand on her arm as she dragged in the stale air of the gym.

  Her pulse pounded at her temples. “Yeah…wrong.”

  With his fingers, he angled her chin toward him. “No, I said wrong time and place.” He brushed his thumb along her bottom lip, still swollen from his crushing kiss. “Everything else about kissing you was…nirvana.”

  The sound of a door closing down the hall echoed through the empty gym. Glancing in the direction of the noise, Jonah shoved to his feet and extended a hand to help her up. “Let me take you home.”

  She inhaled, searching for the shreds of her composure, then clasped his hand.

  Once he’d hauled her to her feet, she hugged herself and rubbed her arms self-consciously.

  “Will you be all right for a couple minutes while I put this thing away?” He indicated the padded suit that hung from his waist.

  She nodded, and Jonah lumbered off toward the locker room, already ripping open the Velcro enclosures on the protective pants.

  While she waited for Jonah, Annie’s thoughts traveled a windy, troubled path. Jonah was Joe. That’s how he knew of the class. Why he’d recommended it.

  And why he’d been close by yesterday when she’d gotten out of class. When the car had tried to run her down. When he’d saved her life.

  Are you going to let your husband win? Are you going to let fear win?

  She experienced the same bone-chilling dread that had kick-started her breakdown in class. Sometimes fear could be a stronger motivation to act than anger. For her, the idea that Walt could still be controlling her from his prison cell because of his legacy of intimidation frightened her more than anything else. She would do whatever it took to be free of Walt’s lingering effect.

  “What the heck kind of class do you take at the police station anyway?”

  The kind that helped you climb out of the morass of anxiety and self-doubt your ex-husband left you in.

  Annie purposefully moved her musings around that mental quicksand. Dwelling on Walt now would only depress her, and she wanted to hold on to the last wisps of cloud nine where she’d drifted briefly with Jonah.

  Nirvana, he’d called it. She closed her eyes and tried to recapture the sweetness of those moments, but her mind snagged on another memory instead.

  “What the heck kind of class do you take at the police station anyway?”

  She frowned as Susan’s question replayed in her head.

  “Ready to go?” Jonah’s voice jarred her from her introspection. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why so serious?”

  “I never told Susan where my class was. So how did she know?”

  Chapter 15

  “Are you sure you didn’t mention the police station when you asked her to cover your shift?” Jonah asked later in his truck as they drove toward her apartment.

  Annie leaned her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. “I don’t think so. But maybe. I—No. No, I’m sure I didn’t.”

  Annie’s revelation didn’t worry him much. Susan struck him as an astute listener, a curious sort of busybody, but not a killer. Still, he wasn’t comfortable leaving the loose end unexplained. “Did you tell anyone else where you’d be? Someone else could have told her.”

  She cut a sharp glance toward him. “Only you.”

  He arched his dark eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “You asked who I’d told.” Sighing her fatigue, Annie raked her fingers through her hair. Jonah’s gut tightened remembering the silky feel of her hair twined around his fingers. The soft crush of her lips against his had packed a more powerful punch than he’d have imagined. One small taste of Annie wasn’t nearly enough. Her eager response at the gym had rocked him to his core.

  Wrong time, wrong place. But someday…

  His body thrummed with the expectation, anticipation. He wanted to make slow, sweet love to Annie as much as he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

  But she had to make the first move. No way would he push her, pressure her. He’d wait until she was ready if it killed him. Which, judging by the pressure in his jeans, the pounding at his temples and the fine sheen of sweat on his back, might be sooner than later.

  Jonah cleared his throat, bringing his attention back to the discussion at hand. “We’ll keep an eye on Susan. If you see or hear anything suspicious, let me know. Meantime, be on your toes around her. Okay?”

  She nodded, wet her lips. “Will you stay for dinner?”

  “If you want me to.” He parked on the street a couple of blocks from her apartment, in case her parking lot was being watched. When she didn’t answer, he angled his body toward her on the seat, waiting.

  Finally she peered up at him through a fringe of dark eyelashes. “I do.”

  Her gaze clung to his for a breathless moment before her focus shifted to his mouth. Drawing her own lip between her teeth, she inhaled a choppy breath.

  “I can’t promise much more than cold-cut sandwiches and canned peaches. I need to get groceries, but I have to wait for payday.”

  When he stroked her chin with a bent finger, he felt the tremble that chased through her, heard the catch in her breath. He knew better than to offer to buy her groceries. A woman searching so fiercely for her independence would see the offer as charity and flatly decline. “A sandwich sounds fine. But if you’d rather, I could take you and the kids out for a burger somewhere. Or I know an Italian place where the kids could get spaghetti and the manicotti is out of this world.”

  The expression in her eyes softe
ned. “You sure you want to start dating a mother with two kids? I thought the idea of kids gave most single men cold sweats.”

  He grinned. “I like your kids.”

  She climbed out of his truck, and he escorted her through the maze of other buildings in her complex and across the yard behind her apartment.

  Getting involved with Annie’s family did unnerve him a little, but not for the reasons she might assume. Family was just a concept that carried too much history for him, not enough useful experience to feel confident in that realm.

  “If calling it a date bothers you—” He shrugged. “Call it ‘I know you’re tired, and I thought I’d offer an easy out from cooking.’”

  She cocked her head as they made their way to the back entrance to her building.

  “Making a sandwich is hardly cooking. And if Ben throws one of his two-year-old tantrums at the restaurant, I doubt you’ll still be calling it an easy out.”

  She had him on that point. He hadn’t the faintest idea how to deal with any aspect of parenting young kids. His father was the last model of discipline he’d ever use, and his mother had been withdrawn and all but absent in his life.

  Turning up a palm, he said, “Your choice.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Thank you, but not today. I’m beat, and the kids need to be in bed in an hour or so.”

  “Another time?”

  She poked her door key into the lock and flashed a half grin. “Yeah. Maybe. Someday.”

  Someday. She’d said the same about when she’d get the cat she wanted. A pluck of disappointment tugged at him. She deserved more than to keep her dreams, her desires on ice while she dealt with life’s hard knocks. He hated to think of Annie putting her life on hold, suspending all her happiness until someday.

  While Annie paid the babysitter and started the sandwiches, Jonah listened as Haley jabbered excitedly about the DVD Rani had checked out of the library for them to watch. The best he could figure, the movie started as animation, then switched to live action, and involved a prince and a talking chipmunk. Beyond that, he lost track of the girl’s convoluted explanation.