Tall Dark Defender Page 17

  Ginny arched an eyebrow. “Ah. He’s afraid.”

  “Afraid?” Annie jerked her eyebrows into a frown. Fear was the last thing she’d ever associate with Jonah. And yet…

  She thought of the haunted look in his eyes this morning, the uncertainty in his voice when he begged for a chance to talk.

  “Afraid of what?”

  Ginny leaned back and shook her head. “Could be almost anything. You know him better than I do. Maybe he’s afraid of hurting you. Didn’t you say his size and his fighting skills scared you? Do you think he’s worried about—”

  “Oh, no.” Annie vehemently shook her head. “He would never hurt me or the kids.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, Annie heard them echoing through her head, heard the certainty in her voice and waited for the niggling of doubt that never came. When had she come to this conclusion? When had Jonah convinced her of his trustworthiness and honor? How did she know in her heart of hearts that she was truly safe with Jonah in every way?

  She didn’t know how or when she’d known. But she was sure of it.

  Ginny’s bright blue eyes lasered into her. “Maybe it’s not physical pain he’s afraid of causing you. Maybe he’s afraid of commitment or failure or letting you down. He could be worried about breaking your heart—or you breaking his.”

  Annie inhaled sharply. Had she let Jonah’s brawn and rough-around-the-edges appearance blind her to his Achilles’ heel? Jonah had told her about his history with his father, his grim childhood, the pain of losing his mentor last year. Could her tough-on-the-outside protector be hiding a vulnerable heart?

  When Annie didn’t respond, Ginny said, “Either way, my question to you remains the same. Do you love him?”

  Ginny’s query flustered Annie, made her feel trapped and panicky. “I think…I could. I’m happier when I’m with him. He makes me feel braver, stronger, more hopeful.”

  Turning up a palm as if to say the answer was obvious, Ginny flashed her a satisfied grin. “Then fight for him. You stood up to Walt, saved yourself and your kids from his abuse and started a new life. After everything you’ve struggled to achieve, don’t give up on the one person who can give you the love you deserve. These past few weeks, you’ve learned you’re safe with him. Now show him he can be safe with you, that you won’t let him be hurt, either. Show him he doesn’t have to be afraid of a future with you. Just don’t let him go without a fight.”

  Annie’s heartbeat thundered in her ears. After years of withdrawing to protect herself, of shutting down and pulling in to avoid conflict, could she throw herself into the fray, to put her heart in the line of fire for the chance at a future with Jonah?

  As she weighed the risks of such a bold leap of faith, Annie noticed Susan staring at her from behind the front counter. The other waitress gave her a stern glare and then a meaningful hitch of her head to the rest of the dining room. Customers were waiting.

  Annie shoved to her feet. “I…need to get back to work. I have tables waiting.”

  As she turned away, Ginny grabbed her hand and sent her a penetrating look. “Trust your heart, Annie. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve a man who will cherish you and fill your life with joy. Don’t let what happened with Walt skew your vision with Jonah. I almost made that mistake with Riley and would have blown the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  Annie pulled in a deep breath. “Okay.”

  “And…can we get two cheeseburgers with sweet iced tea? I’m famished.” Ginny gave her a wide, cheerful grin.

  “Of course.” She hustled to the order window, scribbling Ginny’s request on her pad. If she’d thought talking with Ginny would help calm her whirling thoughts and confusion, she’d sadly miscalculated.

  Trust her heart? Fight for Jonah? She didn’t know where to begin. The realization that she felt truly safe with Jonah eliminated what Annie had believed was her main reason for not getting involved with him. Yesterday she’d almost made love to Jonah at the police station gymnasium. Clearly, physical chemistry wasn’t her problem.

  His instincts and interactions with her kids warmed her heart, so she couldn’t blame parental protectiveness for her reluctance. Having experienced his gentleness, his compassion, his loyalty, his honor, how could she question what kind of husband he’d be?

  But Ginny had challenged her to do more than admit her feelings for Jonah. Ginny wanted her to act on those feelings, drop her defenses and muster a courage she wasn’t sure she had inside her. What would happen if she let herself love Jonah, gave him her body, heart and soul, and he still walked away when his case here at the diner was solved? That was the issue that scared her spitless. She’d already lost so much.

  But wasn’t Jonah worth the risk?

  A niggling unrest stirred in her gut, a desperation that lit a fire in her soul. The same inner voice had roused her from the nightmare of her dysfunctional marriage and given her the courage to save herself and her children from Walt.

  She’d faced down her demons before when her life was on the line. Tonight, she would put her love on the line for a chance to be happy, a chance to share the kind of love she’d always dreamed of. She’d risk her heart—for Jonah.

  Jonah spent a frustrating day going over the files from Hardin’s bus-station locker but found himself distracted by thoughts of Annie’s sweet kiss. That afternoon, he rhythmically lashed the speed bag at the boxing gym. He’d hoped that exhausting himself with an intense workout would expel the thrum of desire that wound him tight.

  Hammering the punching bag should have given his mind something else to focus on besides the wistful longing in Annie’s eyes last night, the musical sound of her laughter as they danced and the poignant ache in his heart as he’d put Haley to bed. Instead, giving his body over to the repetitive motion of his workout gave his brain free rein to review the same images over and over again.

  He’d done the one thing that scared him most, the one thing he’d sworn not to do with Annie. He’d become involved with her family, grown attached to her kids, developed deep, complicated feelings for her. How did he extricate himself from the relationship without hurting her and her family? Without losing a piece of his own heart and soul?

  Bad enough Haley had begun thinking in terms of him marrying Annie, but if Annie interpreted his recent actions as a promise of a future, an expression of feelings deeper than friendship, he was bound to let her down. Considering the cold shoulder she’d given him this morning, he guessed his withdrawal last night had already hurt her.

  He gave the bag an especially forceful punch. Damn it! Hurting Annie was the last thing he’d wanted.

  But had that stopped him from kissing her senseless at the Lagniappe PD gym? Had he considered the repercussions when he’d engaged her daughter in a cozy, fatherly chat at bedtime? Watching her home from his truck would have been safer for his own sanity and not created the intimate connection he now felt for Annie and her kids.

  But had he weighed the risks when he’d slept on her couch?

  Apparently not. Because in unguarded moments, even he conjured fanciful ideas of what it would be like to help Annie raise her children, or wake in the morning beside Annie rather than on her lumpy sofa.

  Heat coursed through his veins as he imagined himself wrapped around Annie’s naked body, making love to her night after night. Perhaps creating a child of their own. His heart fisted. He couldn’t deny how much he wanted Annie, how sweet the promise of joining her family was.

  But too many unknowns cast a specter over that homey ideal. How did he build a loving family with Annie when his own family had been so screwed up? Sure, he could try to make Annie happy, try to give her kids the kind of fatherly role model they needed, but trying wasn’t good enough. A wife and family wasn’t something he could attempt and risk failure. Annie had already had one husband fail her. She deserved more than his bumbling attempt to fill a role he knew nothing about.

  He refused to add to her pain. He simply couldn’t c
ommit to Annie without assurances that he could make family life a success. But with a lack of experience to draw from and with innumerable cases of marital hell etched in his memory thanks to domestic disturbance calls while on the job in Little Rock, he knew far more about what not to do than how to get family relationships right.

  Gritting his teeth, he pounded the speed bag until sweat blinded him and his arms ached.

  “Hell, man! What’s gotten into you?”

  Catching the swinging bag with one hand, Jonah turned to Frank and swiped stinging perspiration from his eyes with his forearm. “I’m sorry. What’d you say?”

  “I asked what got into you. You were beating that poor bag like a man possessed. What gives?”

  After shucking his gloves, Jonah picked up his towel and wiped his face and arms. “Just have a lot on my mind. I needed to let off a little stress, clear my head.”

  Frank chuckled. “Did it work?”

  Jonah scowled. “Not as much as I’d hoped. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.”

  “A woman or money?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Well, a man’s problems usually boil down to either his lady or his finances. So which one’s got you all in a twist?”

  Jonah hesitated. Did he really want relationship advice from the stodgy owner of the gym? He scoffed as he tossed his towel back on his gym bag. The advice and guidance Michael had given him had saved his life, and Michael had run the gym in Little Rock. He glanced up at Frank. “A woman.”

  “Marry her.”

  Jonah arched an eyebrow and cocked his head. “What?”

  “Between my wife and daughter, I’ve lived with women for more than thirty years. I know how they think. If your woman’s got you this tied up in knots, she’s gotta mean more to you than a casual roll in the sack. I say, man up. Marry her and quit waffling.”

  “But I’m not—”

  “On the other hand, if you’re already married, and she’s giving you this much grief—”

  Jonah folded his arms over his chest, curious where the older man’s generalities about female relationships would go.

  “—chances are she’s probably at least partly right about whatever she’s steamed over, so suck it up, buy her some flowers and tell her you’re sorry. You may have to eat some crow, but at least it will get you off the couch and back in the bedroom.”

  Frank hadn’t missed the mark by much. Jonah had to admit thoughts of moving off Annie’s couch and holding her in her bed had been part of what wound him so tight. He could have made love to Annie last night, if his conscience hadn’t been gnawing at him. Her kiss outside Haley’s bedroom had been full of unspoken promises. The air around them had crackled with desire and expectation.

  A sultry fantasy of Annie peering up at him through her sexy curtain of hair while she reclined on starched white sheets taunted him. Jonah’s libido kicked him where it counted, and he muffled a groan.

  Frank shrugged. “I’m just telling you what I’ve learned—both in marriage and as a business owner. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to get what ya really want.”

  The gym owner gave a satisfied nod as if he’d just solved world hunger and the energy crisis. “Right now, what I really want is a cold beer and a wide-screen TV to watch the basketball championship. Wanna join me?”

  Jonah perked up. He’d almost forgotten the final round of the college tournament he’d bet on with Farrout. He should watch the game, so he’d be able to talk about it with some authority when he met up with Farrout later.

  Frank stared at him, waiting for an answer.

  If he could get the television away from Haley, perhaps he could watch the game at Annie’s. He didn’t want her unprotected tonight, and she’d promised to listen tonight to his explanation of why he’d balked last night. Anticipating that conversation raised a sweat on Jonah’s forehead unrelated to his workout.

  He shook his head. “Thanks, Frank, but I’ll watch it at home.”

  “With your lady friend? Ha. Good luck with that.” Frank waved a dismissive hand, then jerked his chin. “Who ya pulling for?”

  “UNC.”

  Frank scoffed. “They don’t have a chance.”

  Shrugging, Jonah tossed his towel on his gym bag. “My gut tells me they’ll pull it out, no matter what the oddsmakers are saying.”

  With a tip of his head, Frank gave him a measuring glance. “You sound pretty sure of your team. Wanna put a little money on that?”

  Jonah sighed and scooped up the straps of his gym bag. “Already did.”

  Frank’s eyes widened, and he folded his arms over his chest. “Ya know…if you’re interested in making some serious coin on the game, I might know someone who could hook you up.”

  A chill skimmed down Jonah’s back. Was Frank the one who’d sent Michael to Farrout? Could Frank have information about the gambling ring Jonah needed?

  The gym owner smoothed a hand over his silver hair and lifted a shoulder. “Think about it and let me know. Stanley Cup is coming up, the Masters Tournament, NBA finals. Plenty of opportunities to make a little on the side if you’re interested.”

  Frank strolled into his office, waving goodnight to another boxer.

  As Jonah headed into the locker room to shower, he made a mental note to quiz Frank further on his connections to sports betting. For now, he had more immediate concerns—like ten thousand dollars riding on a college basketball game and a single mother of two who made him want things that were out of his reach.

  Chapter 17

  When Jonah rapped on her door that evening, Annie’s heart gave an answering knock. She smoothed her hands down the slim skirt she’d changed into after work, denying to herself that she’d dressed to impress Jonah. But in truth, she felt frumpy in her waitress uniform. If she wanted to convince him to take a chance on a relationship with her, she needed every scrap of confidence and all the positive vibes she could scrounge.

  “Hi,” she said, standing back to let him in. Her voice sounded breathy and seductive even to her own ears. But just the sight of him, his hair damp from a recent shower, the evening sun casting shadows across his face that highlighted the masculine cut of his jaw and cheekbones, sucked all the oxygen from her lungs.

  The lopsided grin he gave her coiled around her heart and filled her with a longing so powerful she ached.

  “Trust your heart,” Ginny had said.

  Right now her heart was telling her to grab hold of Jonah with both hands and never let go. This man, with his dark gaze that could see through to her soul and a tender touch that never failed to turn her bones to mush, had snuck past her defenses and stolen her heart.

  His gaze slid over her, drinking in the narrow blue jean skirt that emphasized her hips and the white cotton T-shirt that made the most of her unimpressive cleavage. His pupils rounded as his perusal lingered at her lips before drifting to her scarred cheek.

  On an impulse, she had pinned her hair back from her face with a cloisonne clip, leaving the harsh jagged marks exposed. Her scars were a part of who she was now, and tonight she wanted no secrets or barriers between her and Jonah.

  She held her breath, anxiously waiting for his reaction to the prominence of her scars, until his mouth curled in a warm grin. “Hi yourself. You look…beautiful.”

  Her pulse pattered, and her cheeks heated with pleasure. The way he looked at her, like a cat ready to pounce, made her feel pretty for the first time in years.

  She cleared the nervous tightening from her throat. “Have you eaten?”

  “I—”

  “Jonah!” Haley squealed as she bounded in from the living room wearing her plastic tiara. Ben toddled in behind his sister, and a drooly grin lit his face when he saw their guest. Her daughter hugged Jonah’s legs, and he stooped to lift her into a bear hug.

  “Hi, princess. How are things at the castle?” he said, tweaking her nose, then tousling Ben’s curls. “Hey, slick. How’s the block business?”

  Haley giggled, an
d Annie’s heart somersaulted. Jonah had a natural rapport with her kids and showed none of the stiff reluctance she’d seen when other men got around children. His ease with her kids went a long way toward assuring her she’d made the right decision, allowing him into their lives.

  For dinner, they shared a delivered pizza, Jonah’s treat and an indulgence the kids reveled in. With their stomachs full of pepperoni pizza, Haley and Ben were in a better mood when time came for their baths and bedtime. Jonah read Skippyjon Jones to Haley again, then disappeared to the living room to watch a basketball game while Annie settled Ben into his crib for the night.

  Once both children were soundly sleeping, Annie sat next to Jonah on the couch and tucked her feet under her. “Who’s playing?”

  “UNC and Kansas.” He sent her a side glance, then turned back to the television. “This is the final round of the NCAA championship.”

  “Mmm.” An uneasy prickle nipped her spine. Walt had been especially grouchy and sensitive to interruption when he’d been watching sports. She’d quickly learned to make herself scarce on nights when her ex watched a game.

  Disappointment knotted her stomach. She’d hoped to have time tonight to talk openly with Jonah about her feelings. The game on TV didn’t bode well for a discussion or any intimacies.

  When a commercial came on, Jonah turned to face her and swiped a hand down his face. “So…kids asleep?”

  She nodded. “Will this be on much longer? I’d hoped we could talk.”

  His eyes softened, and he stroked her chin. “I’d like that, too.” He hitched his head toward the TV screen. “This is the tournament I bet on with Farrout. I need to see how it shakes out, but I want to talk once it’s over. There’s only about ten minutes left in the game.”

  His explanation both lifted her spirits and twisted new strands of dread inside her. Even if she settled things with Jonah, nothing was settled with the gambling and money-laundering operation.

  Working to tamp the apprehension the problems at the diner knotted inside her, she covered his hand with hers and nodded. “I can wait ten minutes.”